Still Ramling...

Oh dear – so I intended to write something completely different in this post, but it sort of wrote itself. And guess what – just for a change – it still is incoherent and rambling!!! Apologies for that but I am still going to post it as-is – may come back to edit one of these days, but probably not. I sometimes wonder if having a job where I write so much means that by the time I get to blog entries, I have nothing coherent left to say?

So, by now, everyone who wants to in America, and all those with download facilities in Australia, have seen Monday’s premiere of season two of Prison Break. And I am left, in Afghanistan, consoling myself with a few images of the guys running for a train, that I got from web spoilers…

It is a tough, cruel, life and I am severely deprived. But fear not – I think I have found a source to get the DVDs – just as soon as post comes to Afghanistan. So I should have seen this episode by Christmas…

So now that we have dealt with the most important element of my life right now, we can move on to less pressing matters.

I remember, one particular day in the Philippines, posting about how I was having a not-particularly-fantastic day and then several brilliant friends just stepped in (via email, I believe!) to do extraordinary things for me, and I finished the day reflecting how lucky I was. I have had a few similar weeks here. There has been quite a lot of stress right now, with a lot of stuff going on (most of which I can’t tell you about on an open forum, I’m afraid) and me getting fairly tired. In addition to this, the relentless heat just grinds on and on and I am so fed up with being a walking puddle of sweat! And yet, so many days, when I look at my emails, from family and friends all around the world, I am reminded how incredibly fortunate I am. The love and support I feel from everybody, ranging from “we need your address so we can send you something fun to cheer you up” to “I saw the news and am worried about you and wish you would leave there, but just want you to know I am thinking of you” to “just plain emailing you coz I love you” and of course, my new favourite “will put Prison Break on a DVD and send it to you”!! It all cheers me up no end and I want to put out a mushy and humble thank you to you all…

It is something that I think many people in a profession like mine grapple with – the constancy of saying goodbye. The office here is downsizing, primarily on internationals and there have been a fairly steady stream of fare-thee-wells since I arrived. It is always hard to say goodbye to people and I have been privileged to work with some truly wonderful folks here. When you not only work with, but live with people, you really want them to be fairly fun. The dynamics of a team house can be interesting and it has been quite revelatory to see the emergence of cliques and alliances and to have to try to dodge all of that!

Like pretty much all mass environs, there are people I really enjoy the company of, and people I can pass the time of day with. Fortunately, there is nobody in the team house I dislike, which makes life easier! But a few of my favourites have left or are about to leave, which leaves me feeling a little bereft. It also makes the team house seem a bit empty. There is a constant ebb and flow of people as we come and go and move around the country – I am actually out in the field now – my time out here has extended from ten days to six weeks and I have had to keep putting in calls to Heart for shampoo and chocolate and more books!! Most of my time is spent out in the field which makes for an interesting variety in both company and scenery and which I actually like (access to shampoo notwithstanding!!) I prefer the field work and like the smaller offices in the field – easier to get to know people. Makes me infinitely happy I am a programming person, and not finance (who never leave the base, essentially!)

We have a team house in all of the zones. This is nice – it always seems like you are coming “home” when you drag your poor body from a six-hour road trip through river beds and across rocks and rubble. But there will be familiar faces waiting for you and the smiling guards there, willing to put up with your halting attempts to learn Dari. Our staff are really lovely people and I feel an extra kinship with them in the field – they are very protective of us out here and I think that we have a closer and stronger relationship. They are particularly protective of the women – two nights ago, when I was in the office after dark, the office guard walked me halfway across the field to the team house, where the team house guard then came and met me (did make me think a wee bit of prisoner transfer!) to ensure that I got home safely – made me feel very safe and protected.

I have also acquired more ‘family’ here. I seem to do this everywhere – in the Philippines I had an extra Aunt and Uncle, plus a surrogate mother. Here in Afghanistan, I have acquired another father (don’t worry Dad – you are still my favourite!!) One of the men up here declared to me that I was his adopted daughter and he was going to take care of me. He has four daughters himself, so is quite protective of women. He is a terribly gentle and intelligent soul – just seeing him brings a smile to my face. And he even reminds me a little of my own father (tall, thin, a little patrician, although I think all of you who know my dad would share my inability to imagine him in a turban and long beard!!) He is very sweet – brings me fruit and makes sure that I am comfortable etc.

And slowly but surely, I am falling in love with the country. It can be frustrating beyond belief at times, and I agreed with a colleague today that sometimes it feels like beating your head against a brick wall. And I am eternally glad that I am not an Afghan woman. Yet, the smiles from the people here, the great hospitality, the perseverance in the face of just constant suffering and deprivation. It is incredibly hard to be Afghan, yet when one of the staff says to me “I am proud to be Afghan and I love my country” I just feel all warm and gooey inside – good for him. The country needs a few more million like that…

…sadly – many of the talented ones are at the foreign consulates applying for visas out. It is so often the way. But I guess our battle is to make this a country where people want to stay, not leave…