The best laid plans...

My last few weeks in Afghanistan, I was feeling guilty because I kept writing these rambling posts that were far from coherent. And I had made a vow that I was going to write concise posts from now on - with one point and a clear message. There would be no more rambling and guff...

But, like so many good intentions, that was was not fulfilled.

I will not be returning to Afghanistan. I am not sure how much you follow the news, but the security situation there is continuing to deteriorate at a fairly rapid pace and it is simply not safe for us to continue most of our work there. We cannot guarantee the safety of staff in the current situation and it is quite difficult to implement our programs. So most activities are being shut down, and I am not returning.

So I guess I won't be writing those coherent posts about Afghanistan after all...

Or maybe I will. I am filled with so many regrets about not returning - on many levels. I actively miss the place. I miss my colleagues - both the internationals I lived and worked with, and the Afghan staff, who I was forming strong bonds with by now and who I really enjoyed the company of. I miss the people - so resilient and brave, facing endless hardship and strife, but keeping on keeping on. I miss the amazing countryside and am so sad I never got to see it turn white with snow, or green with rain. And I miss the work that we did there - I miss the people who will not be able to benefit from our assistance because it is too dangerous to offer it.

And I am angry. The people of Afghanistan deserve better than a life of constant insecurity, where they feel there is no point planting crops because they consider it unlikely they will be around to harvest them. They deserve a chance to have their children educated for twelve years, not consider it a boon if they can learn to read and write. They shouldn't have to be accustomed to gunfire and bombs, and to attending funerals. I am angry at Afghans for doing this to themselves, and for foreigners for messing up their country. So many external forces, making a total mess of the country.

I want to convey to you more of the Afghanistan I fell in love with - the people, the scenes, the ideas. I want to share with you some of what people there shared with me - their hopes and dreams. Their memories of exile, their memories of the Taliban, their memories of liberation and their fear of the future. I will keep writing about Afghanistan for now, so I hope you will bear with me as I share a little of this amazing country with you...

And maybe we will even get a structured and organised post out of it!